i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
