dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
