I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
