He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
