Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
