like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
