fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
