he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
