Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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