Cold hands, warm shart.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
