About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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