i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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