this beer tastes like vomit already
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
