I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
