We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
