woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize