Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
