Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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