I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
