weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
