i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
