you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
