The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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