The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
