I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize