Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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