A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
