Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
