i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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