um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
