Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
