this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize