You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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