His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
