hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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