you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize