If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
