And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
