Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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