just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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