i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
