Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
