What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
