I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
