Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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