Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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