please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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