i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
