I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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