Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can I color on your dick again?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
