There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
