His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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