I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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