Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
