I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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