he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
