there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
