it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
