I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
