Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
