umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
