I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
