I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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