Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"

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(772): View more from Florida

she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left

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(231): View more from Michigan

Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins

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(315): View more from New York

so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese

(315): View more from New York

here comes the puke

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(562): View more from California

My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

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(713): View more from Texas

I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.

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(813): View more from Florida

She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.

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