I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
