If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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