Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
