I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just cropdusted the office
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
