my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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