so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
