Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
