i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
