i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
