What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
