Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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