I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
