Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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