I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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