tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
