I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize