So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
