But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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