Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
