I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
