And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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