Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize