can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
