You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
