Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
