I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
