Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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