It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
