..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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