rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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