Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do vagina's smell?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize