She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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