I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
