i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
