I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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