i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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