just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
