Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
