I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
