Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize