My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
