We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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