Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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