there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
