insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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