It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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