I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
