Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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