i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
