You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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