one might say we're banned from that church
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
