I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
